"Off the Record w/ Alfie Button"
Alfie Button was standing by. No Donny Layne, No Dawn Cassidy. The former co-host of the Best Podcast in wrestling was here alone, on his own, to have it out and clear up about any doubts about who the breakout start in The Entertainers is.
"I've kept really, really quiet, and you know that I ain't a talker."
I could hear the chuckles as far away as Melbourne, let alone London.
"Darren, you've always needed someone to feed off, aven't ya? Someone to ask you the right questions, give you an 'elpin' 'and and if it weren't me, it were a skirt like Dawn or a suit like Donny.
"They couldn't back you up in the ring, could they? Nah. That was my job. You can't stand the fact that I'm the one who made ya sound good on your own podcast and I'm the one who made us number one contenders to the jOlt tag titles."
Button shook his head, somewhat agitated: "I'm the reason you even got this gig with Alex Reyn in the first place. Sure, 'e wanted ya, but he got to ya by gettin' to me. What's 'appened since Darren? Eh? Tell me that. We was partners, we was friends and we knew our roles: I was number one and you was number two and we was gonna get another crack at those tag team titles."
Pacing back and forth, Button took a brief interval: "You were supposed to stick up for me, that's what great teams do; look out for one annover, like bruvvers from different muvvers, but somewhere, you forgot that. Only out for yourself, only out for what ya can get and when I came back to 'elp ya, you frew it back in my face, like a spoiled brat."
Alfie was gradually getting more animated: "Well, you didn't frow it back in my face, did ya? You punched me instead. I came back to 'elp ya and that's 'ow you repay me? Years of travelling, training and eating Coco Pops all washed away because you've got the 'ump you can't beat bloody Alex Reyn?"
Button's rhetorical question was answered by himself with a disappointed shake of the head: "You're jealous that I came back off an injury and gave Alex Reyn more trouble than you did in your first match. Can't take a punch, ya mug?! I took yours, didn't I? Not that I'd call it a punch. It was a slap, Daz. A slap in the face, an insult and it wouldn't 'ave wiped my gran out on 'er deathbed."
Alfie stared down the barrel: "If, WHEN, I beat ya tonight, I'll show Alex Reyn I ain't borin' and that I'm higher than you on the food chain; I'm fitter, faster and fresher for a start, I can read you like a nursery rhyme and I know every move you got and I got more. You reckon you're smarter? 'ow come the only moves you do are watered-down versions of what yours truly busts out on a regular basis?"
Scowling and bordering on tears, Button wrapped this up: "You'd better 'urt me Darren because I 'ave every intention of 'urtin you. I've never wanted to win a fight so bad. I'd love it I beat ya - love it. And I will.
"Breaking news: Button batters Best; Alfie annihilates Darren. Darren Best 'as been destroyed. Dear viewers, you 'eard it 'ere first, off the record, on the QT and very hush-hush," he rounded off, whispering the final line with his index finger pressed against his mouth.
Alfie's confidence wasn't confidential; it was out in the open. He thought he was the man who put 'entertain' into The Entertainers and earned them their solitary title shot against the now-obsolete House.
Pick 'em: Best or Button?
In a short while, we're going to find out who the better man is.